For as long as I can remember I have dealt with depression. No matter how happy I wanted to be I could never bring myself to the full potential. For most of my life there was always someone criticizing me or my actions. I was never good enough, smart enough, fun enough, etc. I never felt like I would be good enough for anyone I met. I would have my days where I just wanted to end it all. Forget everyone and everything and just die.
But I could never bring myself to it, I wanted something better I just never knew how to make things better. I was angry at myself for never feeling good or happy truly. I took it out on a lot of people and they all wounded up giving up on me. I felt like a lost cause, no one could fix me.
Of course no one could fix me, I was the only one who could ever truly make myself happy. I needed to learn how to accept the things about me I can't change and change the things I could.
I am the only one who dictates my future. I am the only one who can make myself truly happy.
If I want to be happy I have to just accept the past and understand it cannot be changed but my future can. I can make myself happy and show my daughter that she doesn't need anyone but herself if she wants happiness.
I went through years of hating myself and my life, blaming others for my issues, for always bringing me down and making me feel bad about myself.
This time I am taking a stand for myself and letting myself be my own hero.
If I want to be happy I have to start taking better care of myself and my emotions. If I want something I go for it. If I want to loose weight I don't give up.
You have to work your ass off to feel normal again when you go through the years I have. It might take a lot of hard work and time but I think I am worth the effort. If I want to be happy, then this is what I need to do.
I am going to set goals and make things better for me and for my daughter.
If my husband decides to join us, then good for him.
All I know is I am doing this for ME, not anyone else.
This is day three of becoming the me I want to be, and its going to be one hell of a ride!
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